


friday

by angstonly



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Love Confessions, M/M, Rejection, im telling u this now, this does not have a happy ending hhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22709641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone. when he tells donghyuck, he snorts and says "we been knew." when he tells mark, he smiles and says "finally." when he tells renjun, he laughs and says "it's about time you realized."
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	friday

**Author's Note:**

> happy valentine's day!!!! i know this is angst but like ,,, look would u even expect anything else from me at this point hsdhfshf i wrote this in an hour and it is now 2am and it is completely unedited + unbeta'd pls forgive
> 
> if ur reading this ily pls lmk what u think !!
> 
> mishi this is for u thank u for encouraging my angst writing

it's a friday evening when jeno realizes that he's in love. it's an arbitrary moment, really. nothing spectacular. he and jaemin are sitting side by side in the library, papers scattered all over the table. jeno takes a break after finishing a particularly difficult item on their calculus homework and just doodles cats on his notebook.

jaemin is hard at work, eyebrows knitted together, lips pursed to one side in deep concentration. jeno looks over at him, sees the way he smiles when he solves the problem, and he immediately just knew.

he's in love with na jaemin.

it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone. when he tells donghyuck, he snorts and says "we been knew." when he tells mark, he smiles and says "finally." when he tells renjun, he laughs and says "it's about time you realized."

in retrospect, it doesn't come as a surprise to him either. they've always been different after all, always been special, always been something more.

what _does_ come as a surprise is the way jeno reacts to this newfound realization. it's as if a switch has turned in his brain telling his entire body that na jaemin is no longer just his best friend — he's also the boy jeno is in love with.

and with that comes the racing heartbeat, the sweaty palms, the longing stares. it comes with the flushed cheeks, the whole-body warmth, the overwhelming desire to be close to him. jeno feels everything all at once — irrepressible and unquenchable.

jeno thinks jaemin doesn't know.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* — *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

it's a friday evening years later when jeno realizes that jaemin knows — that he's known all along. jeno rushes to jaemin's dorm, suppressing the anger he feels for the boy that broke his best friend's heart. jaemin lets his tears fall, holds onto jeno like he's the only lifeline he has left. jeno pulls him close, shares his warmth, whispers words of comfort and love.

he realizes it when jeno says jaemin's name, ready to tell him all he's been holding in. he realizes it when jaemin's face fills with fear — dread. he realizes it when jaemin whispers a quiet "please don't." _please don't say anything_ , jeno supplies in his mind. he realizes it when jaemin presses his lips together, eyes cast downwards, more tears welling in his eyes.

it's a friday evening when jeno realizes that jaemin doesn't feel the same way. that he's read all the signs wrong. that he and his friends have been so incredibly mistaken.

the night goes on in the silence. jeno stays until jaemin's tears dry. because jeno is kind and loving and will always be there for jaemin whenever he needs him the most. even if it hurts. even if he's angry and pained and confused.

but even so, jeno is rational. he knows he can't stay — not like this, not when his own heart is shattering more and more the longer he sits there. so he pulls away. he cups jaemin's cheek, a small smile on his lips. jaemin smiles back at him and it takes everything inside of him not to pull jaemin back into his arms and _beg_.

_love me instead. be with me instead._

jeno stands and makes for the door, holding himself together with tape and glue. but he stops in his tracks, heart caught in his throat. everything hurts.

because here is jaemin — rushing after him, grabbing onto his arm, looking him in the eye. here is jaemin saying, "i'm sorry, jeno."

and it takes everything inside of him not to fall apart right then and there, to break down and crumble, a shell of a boy with a love gone wrong and a heart crushed by his own best friend's very hands.

jeno forces a smile, holds back the tears that are threatening to fall. "don't apologize, nana," he mutters, voice so strained and tired and _broken_. "it's not your fault that you don't love me."

"jeno—"

"can i…" jeno interrupts, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "can i at least give you a proper confession?"

jaemin nods slowly, releasing his hold of jeno that he doesn't even realize was still there.

"i'm in love with you, jaemin," jeno begins to say, his tears now rolling down his face. "and i know that this is all unfortunate timing, adding onto your plate when you're already dealing with so much. but it's out in the open now and you deserve to hear it.

"you deserve to know that you're the best that life has to offer, that you're wonderful and kind and smart and so beautiful. so mesmerizing. you deserve to know that seeing you smile is always the highlight of my day, that hearing you laugh is the only sound i'll never get tired of listening to. you deserve to know that when you look at me, i sometimes forget how to breathe and my heart forgets how to beat. when you look at me, all it knows to do is sing love songs and cry out for you.

"you deserve to know that i'm in love with you and that i'm yours. i'm always going to be yours, jaemin. even if you're not mine."

he doesn't realize jaemin is crying again until he hears the quiet sobs, the way jaemin chokes back his tears. jeno's body moves on its own — he wraps his arms around jaemin tightly, fingers lightly carding through his hair. him being the reason stings him more than anything else.

"i'm —"

"jaemin," he pulls away just enough to be able to look at his face, smiling "please don't apologize. love is a risk; it always is. and i'm always willing to risk it all for you, you know this. it was my decision to love you, to stay by your side even when things got hard. i don't regret any of it, okay? you're my best friend. and in all these years, if i've at least made you smile, then all of the painful pining is worth it."

"how can you still smile at me like this?" jaemin smiles back, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "jeno, i don't want to lose you…"

"you won't," he's quick to assure. "we're best friends, nana. of course you won't lose me. but i think — maybe i need some time? this is… a lot. and i know this timing is horrible, i'm sorry, i just —"

"i understand, jeno. it's okay," he whispers. "it's okay. take as much time as you need. thank you… for telling me. thank you for loving me as much as you do. thank you for being here."

they share a pensive moment, lost in their own thoughts. jeno thinks back to that night in the library, the moment that's led to here. a part of him wonders if things would be different had he said something sooner, had he said something as soon as he realized.

but in the end, he knows this is how it has to be.

jeno pulls jaemin in for another hug, lingering for as long as he can until his heart can't take much more of it. he turns away and walks out of jaemin's apartment.

and as soon as the door closes behind him, jeno allows himself to completely unravel.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me !! :DDD
> 
> [twt](http://twitter.com/scammerjaem) :: [cc](http://curiouscat.me/angstonly)


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